PEN-PRICKS

• Martha’s Vineyard residents said they arranged to have the 50 foreign migrants sent off to an Army base rather than keep them there. The Island was originally settled in the 18th Century by religiously devout Methodist Episcopal missionaries. Five times every day they answered the Call to Golf.

• The CIA shot down a report leaked out of Moscow from a Russian oligarch which claimed that Vladimir Putin is sick with a blood cancer and could die soon. The diagnosis is baseless but not the end result. The good news is, Putin is going to die soon, the bad news is, he’s taking us all with him.

• Vladimir Putin showed signs of cracking in the face of serious military setbacks in Ukraine as well as anti-war protests in Moscow. This week 300,000 Russians were called into military service. It’s the most number of Russians deployed for action since the June shipment of brides.

• Reuters last week reported that Russia and Ukraine reached a deal in April to halt the war and Ukraine agreed not to join NATO, but Putin nixed it. And now how badly is the Russian economy doing? Yesterday Putin had to try to kill one of his opponents by getting him to walk through Poison Ivy.